


Mary's Song

by KupKat



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Childhood Friends, Alternate Universe- No Supernatural, Childhood Friends, Coming Out, Eventual Smut, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending, M/M, Slow Burn, ill add to the tags as I update :), supportive family
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-13
Updated: 2021-02-20
Packaged: 2021-03-13 17:14:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 18,012
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29405349
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KupKat/pseuds/KupKat
Summary: Dean and Castiel have always been best friends. Since they were toddlers the two have been glued to the hip.Nothing thrown at them could change that.Until it can... but not for the reasons they expected.
Relationships: Castiel & Dean Winchester, Castiel/Dean Winchester
Kudos: 7





	1. Long Live

Mary claps her hands together, smiling at her boys. Dean pulls at his costume that is tight around his neck and John zips the back of Sammy's brown onesie. He places a mask over his eyes and watches Sammy's face light up as he giggles. "Here, quick, let me get a picture of my cute boys," Mary admires, taking out her camera. She snaps several before the doorbell rings. 

"Hello! It's good to see you, John." He is met with Castiel's mother who is patting Castiel inside. "Sorry about his costume. The kid refuses to wear anything else right now. He's going through a dress phase." 

John watches Dean run and hug his best friend and he shrugs, "no worries. Everyone has their thing.”

Mary walks over to the door behind John and hugs Naomi. “Cas looks adorable.” She grins at her neighbor-turned-friend, "John will be at home passing out candy when I take the boys trick or treating. Would it be okay if Castiel spent the night after? It may make it a little easier for you. And I know Dean would love having him," Mary says hopeful.

Naomi nods her approval. "Of course." She steps into the house and calls Castiel over, "be good, okay? Do everything Mrs. and Mr. Winchester tells you to. I love you and I will pick you up tomorrow." Castiel hugs her legs and kisses her hand. Naomi tells John she can stop by again to drop off a bag for Cas, and John and Mary both insist it’s fine and Cas can share anything of Dean’s at this house.

"Bye mama," he waves as she walks back out into the chilly air. Dean tugs at Castiel's hand and jumps up and down. 

Castiel grabs his hand back and watches Dean's batman cape whoosh behind him. Sammy's moose antlers are bobbing as he giggles at the two of them. "Pretty bee!" Sammy chants. Castiel runs over and sits next to Sam. Trying to include the two year old the best that he can. 

Dean traces Castiel's bumble bee wings and stares at his skirt. "Aren't skirts for girls?"

Mary quickly steps in and picks up Sam from the ground. "No, Dean, skirts are for anyone.” Dean doesn’t look convinced so she goes on, “Some girls feel happy because it makes them feel cute. But there’s some girls who would rather not wear them. The same goes for boys- you all can wear them if you want. Besides, don't you think Cas looks cute?"

Dean watches Castiel's face, obviously worried that Dean won't agree. He is Castiel’s first best friend. Dean is his only friend. What's he going to do if Dean says no? Dean ruffles Castiel's dark hair and looks at his best friend’s bed head mess. "Yes, now he is."

John kisses Mary on the cheek and wheels in a rainbow cloth wagon. "Just make sure no moose falls out," John says tickling his finger on Sam's chest. "I love you Mary, stay safe. I'll see you tonight. If you need help, call me." Mary wraps Sam up in a blanket and clings him to her waist.

John helps lift the wagon down the porch steps and he takes Sam in a blanket, setting him down into it. Mary tells Dean and Castiel to stay together at all times going to each door. Cas responds from the background, ‘okay Mrs. Winchester.’ She turns to John, "we'll be fine. I can manage this far too polite of a six year old,” and she looked at their sons, “and our almost 6 and 2 year old are a breeze.”

****

Castiel and Dean are holding pillow cases in their hands. Mary walks in the front, pulling Sam behind her. She looks back often to make sure Cas and Dean haven't wandered off and to make sure Sam is still okay in the wagon and not trying to climb out. At each curb she wheels them to the side and lifts Sam out, telling Dean to grab his hand and go to the door. She makes sure to remind them of their manners every stop.

The first house they stopped at, an old woman answered the door. She screamed into the house to her husband, "come see these kids! They're so cute!" Dean hugs Sammy behind his back. Sure, they are allowed to be nice to them, but Sammy is his little brother. And screaming in front of him isn't something Dean wants to have him witness. The woman gives each of them a big handful of candy and Castiel says thanks before running after Dean who pulls Sam away.

After visiting a few houses, the boys walk back down to the sidewalk and find Mary at the curb chatting with another woman, Ruby, who's holding her son. "Oh! Here, Sammy can share his wagon. You shouldn't have to carry him all night!"

Dean helps lift Sammy up into the wagon and the other woman smiles and lifts her son into it. "Thank you so much! You're so kind." Mary and Ruby continue discussing boring stuff that Dean really has no interest in. Grown ups sure can talk a lot. Sammy and the little boy are giggling in the wagon, the other boy holds onto Sam's hand and hands him a sucker from his pail. "Can-dee is the bestest."

Sam holds the boy's sticky hand while he goes to town on the sucker. Dean finds out from Sammy's yelling, that the kids name is Gabriel. And yes, he definitely likes his sweets.

They stop at a few homes, still. Sam and Gabe stay behind for most because they’re too focused on showing each other candy in the wagon.

Besides Sam no longer trick or treating, they all continue on their trick or treat walk as normal. Mary and Ruby continue chatting it up. Sneaking small glances at the boys, but obviously growing less worried the farther they go because the kids are all happy.

It’s not until Cas doesn’t answer Dean’s question that he turns to see Castiel dropped his bag behind them at the last house. Dean sees Castiel quickly walk away from them, so Dean calls Mary's name. "One minute, Dean."

Dean panics and sees Castiel facing a taller boy with dirty blonde hair. Dean looks at Mary in panic, still walking ahead, chatting, and instead goes to run and get Castiel back. When Dean catches up to him, he sees tears in the corners of Castiel's eyes. "What's wrong, Cas?" Dean says grabbing his hand.

The tall boy is grinning and glaring at the two of them with Castiel's bag in his hands. Dean glares back and lowers his voice the best he knows how. Thanks to the time John once was showing off his deep voice and Dean wanted to try. "That's not yours," Dean says standing in front of Cas. "You need to give it back."

The boy's sick smile curves up. His voice is deep and reminds Dean of something called a ‘hick.’ Which he only knows of because of the baseball game Mary took them to. His southern drawl laughs, "I don't need to do anything, freak." Dean frowns and grabs Castiel's hand. No way is he arguing with this older boy about candy. Besides, they’ve been to enough houses by now. Castiel can share his.

Dean squeezes Castiel's hand, "that's okay, Cas, we can share. We should get back."

"Where is that, squirts?" Dean shakes his head making a face back to the boy, trying to tug Castiel along with him. "Wow slow it down partner, my name’s Alastair."

Dean rolls his eyes, "let's go Cas." Castiel is still standing with tear drops plastered to his cheeks. "It's okay Cas, we can go home soon."

Alastair blocks their way again and smiles. "Listen up boys, you're going to go collect some candy for me and then you're going to meet me back here and hand it over. You got it?"

Dean shakes his head, "no. Why can't you get your own? It's not like it's hard."

Alastair steps closer to them, startling Castiel. "I'm twelve, it's harder to get candy. You suckers can get anything just for being cute. For every house that gives you a handful- I get one! One piece!”

Dean smiles, "okay. But you still can get your own. Just gotta walk faster."

Alastair looks at Castiel's dress, "why is the fag wearing a dress?" Dean doesn't know what that word means in that sentence, nor does Castiel, but the manner he speaks it with makes his stomach turn. The only time he's heard that word is when uncle Bobby was smoking on the porch and asked John for a fag. Is he saying Castiel is a cigarette? That's quite an odd statement.

"Cas isn't a cigarette!" Dean yells. Castiel smiles at Dean, gripping his hand a bit tighter. "We're not getting you anything. You're just a bully!"

Castiel wipes the tears from his face, looking at his best friend stare down the older boy. Dean isn’t going to let anyone make Cas look so upset. Ever. Over his dead body.

Alastair's smile is still smug across his face and he winks, "sure, we’ll see, kiddos. Y’know you and your boyfriend need to calm down and respect the rules of older kid authority."

Dean scrunches his nose, "I don't have a boyfriend. Cas is my best friend.” He doesn’t understand what’s wrong with this boy. He seriously has something missing in his brain. “My mom is going to realize we're gone and you're going to be in a ton of trouble."

Right as Dean says that, the sound of feet hitting pavement is coming into distance. Mary smiles at the boy, "is there a problem here?"

Alastair shrugs, "no ma'am, just talking to these cute kids."

Mary looks down at Dean. "Thank you, those cute kids are mine.” She notices the candy bag in his hands and pulls it from his grip. “Now why don't you run off before I call the police to find your parents. You got it?" Mary uses her mom-voice all while holding a welcoming smile on her face. That just makes it ten times scarier.

Alastair grunts and struts off in the opposite direction, glaring back behind his shoulder as he walks away. Ruby catches up, the wagon trailing behind her. "Everything okay? I see you found the boys."

Mary squeezes Dean's hand, "you kiddos ready to go to the next house?"

Castiel sniffles and Dean frowns looking up at his mom, "no. I think Cas and I will just stay with you.”

Both Ruby and Mary can tell the boys are sad and Mary gives Ruby the ‘look.’ Mary tries to distract the kids with something else and states, “I think we should go home. We have some leftover cookie dough. And I really really need help making them into cookies.”

Ruby picks up Gabriel and smiles at Mary’s save, "I think he's about to fall asleep anyways. Sugar crash. I'll call you to schedule a playdate next week, have a safe walk back home." Gabriel waves at Sam with his sticky hands and then claws them into his mom's hair.

Mary picks up Sam and motions for Dean and Cas to climb into the wagon. "Here boys, you can relax a little bit. I’ll carry Sammy.” She looks between both of their down faces. “Are you okay? Was he mean to you? Are you hurt?”

Castiel pouts and lays his head on Dean's shoulder. "He called me a cigarette." Mary pulls the wagon with the free hand that's not gripped around Sammy. "What do you mean, sweetie?"

Dean lets Castiel lay out into his lap. "He called him a fag, mama." Dean pats Castiel's hair, "he's too stupid if you ask me. What's Cas got to do with a cigarette?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This takes place in the time frame that the boys are in kindergarten


	2. I'm Only Me When I'm With You

“Castiel, will you go with me to the Cupid’s Dance?” A soft voice asks. Cas is stunned and he turns to the girl batting her eyes at him. Cas squints. Dean told him that only couples were going to the dance after school. He’s not dating anyone.

“But we’re not dating?

She blushes and shrugs, “I mean… I was wondering if you’d like to? And to go with me to the dance? As my boyfriend.”

“Well I’ll have to see. I have to ask my mom.” He looks stumped over the question and asks, “and can Dean go with us? We always see each other on Fridays.”

The girl bites her lip. “I guess? Does he have a date?” Cas shakes his head no and she looks confused. “Maybe my friend can ask him. Can you ask him if he likes Lisa?”

Cas answers ‘sure,’ and she giggles like he said the funniest thing. Doesn’t make sense. At all.

He meets Dean at recess that day. Dean invites Cas to play with the boys in their grade. When Cas sees the football he grimaces. Dean sees his pained gaze and he waves bye to his other friend in class. “It’s ok. Let’s go play something else.”

Castiel’s favorite game to play is monster hunters. Dean and he have been playing this game since they first heard about ghosts in first grade and they ran with the idea. Eventually, they added other spooky creatures and Cas even declared himself as an 'Angel of the Lord.' Dean laughed super hard at him for that line but it never fails to make Castiel happy.

They’re in the middle of breaking into the Leviathan's corporate building when the curly haired brunette waves at Cas. She then blows him a kiss. Dean gasps at Cas. “Dude, what was that!” 

Cas feels annoyed that Meg had to interrupt Dean and his hunt, but he waves back at her and turns back to Dean. “Oh. She’s my girlfriend now. She asked me to the dance.” 

Dean is cheering and acting like it’s the best news he’s ever heard and Cas feels entirely calm to this idea. Even as Meg asked him he didn’t feel all too excited. “You should have told me! Dude that’s incredible. I can’t believe you got a girlfriend before me!”

Cas laughs awkwardly and remembers Meg’s other question. “Do you like Lisa?”

Dean gleefully states, “uh, have you seen her? She’s probably the prettiest girl in our grade. Duh.”

Cas nods, “oh, okay. Well Meg asked me to ask you. I told her I wanted you to go to the dance with us, so she said that.”

Dean is still bouncing off the imaginary wall surrounding them and he declares, “Cas, I’m going to go ask Lisa to the dance.”

Before Cas realizes what Dean said or what he meant, he sees Dean storm over to where Meg, Lisa, Charlie and Jo are huddled. By the look of it, Lisa said yes and Dean looked back at Cas to give him a thumbs up before waving him over.

Cas slinks over to the group in defeat. Clearly the leviathan situation has to wait. They join the group of girls and the six of them talk. Jo is teasing the boys about how “totally in love they are.” Castiel guesses he is. If someone else can see it… maybe he is in love with Meg. Seems a bit soon... but people always say that there is love at first sight. Maybe that’s how he is with Meg.

Their dates take turns whispering comments to their friends and blushing back to them. Dean seems to be thriving right now but Castiel feels rather overwhelmed. His stomach hasn’t ever felt this sick for no reason. Maybe this is the butterflies he’s heard of.

****

The night of the dance comes far sooner than Cas would have liked it to. He had a week to prepare, but the evening is here and he’s got no clue how to go about dancing, dressing, or as Dean told him- kissing.

He and Dean plan to spend the night at Castiel’s house after. Sam is going to his first sleepover, so his mother offered to host Dean after the dance so Dean's parents can have a date night. Castiel’s honestly more excited to get back to his house so the two can play a new card game.

Despite his fears, he lets his mom drop him off at the school and leave him there. He immediately meets up with Dean there. Dean complains about needing to pee before they meet their girlfriends so Cas awkwardly follows him. He doesn’t want to meet up with the girls completely alone. Dean pees and then looks at Cas while he’s washing his hands. “It’ll be fine, Cas. I can feel your panic from over here.”

Cas doesn’t meet Dean’s eyes so his friend grabs his chin. “Hey, look at me.” He smiles at him, “why are you scared? Can I help?”

Cas shakes his head no but explains, “Dean I’ve never kissed a girl… I don’t know how.” Dean murmurs ‘neither have I,’ and Cas asks bluntly, “how are you okay? Aren’t you scared?”

Dean sucks his cheek, “I guess. Wish there was a way to practice. I looked it up and it didn’t seem that good. You can’t really ask your own hand how it felt.”

Cas tries to think of movies he’s seen that showed good kisses. He’s unsure what makes each one feel better than another and he looks at Dean cautiously. “Can we practice before we leave? I don’t want to screw it up.” Dean looks like Cas asked a terrible question and Cas retreats. “We don’t have to. I just thought since we were friends that we could practice so it’s not bad for them. It was stupid.”

Dean laughs softly and bites his lip. “Uh- okay. Just for practice?” The two stare at each other for a few seconds and then Dean leans in and puts his lips over Castiel’s lips very slowly. “How was that?”

Cas breathes heavily and nods. “I think it was good.”

Dean grins at his friend, obviously proud of himself. “Ok, your turn.”

Cas almost asks what makes it different for him to do it versus Dean doing it, but he stops himself fast. Honestly… he kind of liked it. He sees why people are so affectionate this way.

He leans in close to Dean and feel’s Deans breath on his mouth and he feels like his heart is going to jump from his chest. He presses his lips to Deans a bit harder than Dean had and holds his lips puckered against his best friends. He pulls away and gives Dean a look in asking how it was. He notices Dean’s ears are red and he coughs through his answer, “yeah you're... uh, you should be fine.”

****

Despite practicing with Dean, Cas still finds himself worried when Meg and he are sitting in the corner alone. The teachers are scanning the room like hawks watching for movement in a field. She grabs his hand and holds it tight in hers and he gulps, feeling his hand already sweating profusely. Who knew hands sweat so bad? She keeps looking at him like she wants to say something and then stops and swipes her tongue over her lips. He’s not completely dumb. He knows she wants him to kiss her. But he’s terrified. What if he doesn’t do it as good as he did it with Dean? 

In his panic, she puts her face close to his and puckers. Castiel gulps again and pecks her lips and pulls off immediately. She looks ecstatic and whispers, “I love you.”

Cas thought love would feel different than this. Thought there would be some kind of spark. He felt good kissing Dean. Why can’t he feel good kissing Meg? Instead of saying it back, he scans the room and sees Dean and Lisa hiding behind the tall poster stands. Dean and Lisa are kissing over and over and he feels a ping of sadness. “I have to go to the bathroom.” Before Meg can respond, he books it out of the dance and finds himself spooned over the toilet. His stomach feels like glass, not butterflies. This wasn’t how it was supposed to feel.

****

Cas doesn’t know how long he waits it out hiding in the bathroom but eventually he hears Dean knock on his stall. “Hey Cas, Meg said you ran off? You ok?” 

Cas let’s Dean into the bathroom and explains the kiss with Meg and how he felt. Dean listens and responds, “well it was probably her. Maybe she sucks at kissing. You did fine with me, so it can’t be your fault.” Cas feels a bit of pride knowing his kiss with Dean didn’t make Dean feel this strong sickness like he had shared with Meg.

Dean admits that he and Lisa broke up. He explains how Lisa thinks Dean likes Jo more because she saw him hug Jo before the dance started. And Dean tried to say he was just saying hi to her but she wouldn’t believe him.

Cas laughs with Dean and states, “well Meg probably broke up with me, too.”

Dean and he sit on the bathroom tile for a while until he cuts in to say that the dance is almost over anyways and they could go wait outside for Castiel’s mom. Cas has never felt so relieved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 4th grade!


	3. Call It What You Want

Since Dean can remember, his family and the two Novak’s have had their annual week-of Christmas party together. Castiel’s mom and he come over to decorate their house and then they invite other families from school and work to attend. This year, his parents and Naomi gave the boys permission to invite a few friends each from school. Dean gave his invites to his friends Benny and Cole and also invited his girlfriend Cassie and her best friends Hannah and Amara.

Cas only invited one of his most recent friends, Inias. Said he didn’t need to ask anyone since Dean was already going to be there, but he’d still invite someone just so his mom wouldn’t lecture him about branching out and socializing. 

Dean and Cas exchange their first Christmas presents to each other the night of the party. Since Castiel’s mom is widowed and they don’t have any other relatives close, the pair usually join them on Christmas Day, too. But Dean and Cas started exchanging presents on the night of the party instead- because they both realized they couldn’t wait it out all week until the real thing was here.

Dean gives Cas an origami book and a tiny chess set so his friend can practice more and teach him, like they’ve talked about. Cas is gleeful opening the two and hugs Dean in thanks. Dean opens Castiel’s gifts next and laughs opening a Han Shot First poster. He’s admiring the artist's detail and then Castiel hands him another smaller box. Inside, Dean sees a tiny gold charm on a long necklace loop. He smiles at Cas and asks, “a bee?”

Castiel nods enthusiastically, “look, I’ve got one too. Mines silver.” He looks to be reading Dean's reaction and Dean just brushes their shoulders and he grins. “I love it. Can you help me get it on?”

Cas makes sure the clasp gets through the hole before he lets the necklace flop back down onto Dean’s neck.

After exchanging their gifts, they clean up the area and bring some snacks and drinks down to the basement for when their friends start arriving.

****

Their friends arrive before the party starts in full swing. Benny showed up first. And it made Dean happy because Benny is one of the few friends he has that Cas also genuinely gets along with. The three of them are laughing as they play air hockey until Inias and Cole show up relatively close together. Cas breaks to talk with Inias and eat snacks, so Cole takes over Castiel’s place at the air hockey table.

Everything seems to be going smoothly until the girls show up. Cassie, Amara, and Hannah walk down the stairs and Cassie immediately goes in to kiss Dean. Cole gives him some whoops and smacks Dean’s shoulder for his PDA. Hannah and Amara; Cassie's friends, are quiet but they both try to talk some with Benny and Cole as Dean and Cassie are busy getting back to making out sloppily to the side.

Maybe it was a mistake to mix boys and girls for the party. Because things start getting frustrating about the same time they arrive. And it just gets worse when Dean goes to toss the empty coke jug into the trash bag.

Cole announces that he thinks they should play spin the bottle and Dean rolls his eyes.

He and Cassie are holding hands and he tries to argue against the game with, 'well some of us actually have a relationship,' but Cole somehow convinces everyone to sit down despite that.

Cassie just kisses Dean’s cheek and says, “well none of the kisses will mean anything. I know we’re good. So it’ll be fine.” Dean should have known the exact opposite of fine was bound to happen but he went along with it.

Cole spins the bottle and it lands on Cassie. Dean straightens his posture and Cole just chuckles, “down boy, it’s just a kiss.” Thankfully the kiss was short and neither of them seemed to be into it so Dean felt relief.

Cassie spins. Thank God it lands on Dean. 

Benny spins and kisses Hannah.

Amara kisses Dean. With a bit too much force behind it that makes Cassie grip Dean’s hand tighter.

Inias kisses Amara.

Dean kisses Amara, again.

Things get way more complicated when Hannah spins and the bottle lands on Cassie. Hannah and Cassie laugh and Amara steps in to say Hannah can just spin again. But Cole, always Cole, stops them. “No the rules are pretty straight forward.”

Hannah’s face is red and Cassie frowns. “We’re both girls. You’re saying that if you all landed on another boy you’d kiss them? Ya right. Doesn’t seem fair.”

Cole chuckles, “okay fine. The next person to land on the same sex has to do it, too, and then we’ll take that rule out.”

Cassie groans but rolls her eyes. Obviously more tired by Cole’s annoying ‘rule explanation’ than the actual thought of kissing her friend. She leans over to Hannah and kisses her lips and Cole all but shouts his happiness. Dean isn’t going to pretend it wasn’t something that interested him but he’s never going to say that to his own girlfriend. He rubs her back as she sits back down next to him.

Castiel spins the bottle and slumps to sit down. Like the game itself is draining the life from him. The bottle actually spins for a decent few seconds before it slows down. 

Shit. 

Castiel’s eyes widen and he stares in panic at Dean. And Dean can only look the same way back. Cole snickers and elbows Benny as if to ask, 'you seeing this?'

The girls all sit up straighter and zone in on the two and he sees Cassie hold back a frown off to his side.

Castiel blinks and holds his eyes closed through a deep breath and then he leans forward and pulls Dean close. The kiss definitely could have stopped sooner than it had, but it lasted almost as long as Cassie and Dean’s kiss in a previous round. He quickly lets go like his hands were burned on Dean’s shirt and he looks over at Inias who is chewing his lip.

The whole room is far quieter than Dean would have liked. Cassie squeezes her hand out of Dean’s grip and excuses herself. Maybe he should chase after her to the bathroom, but he doesn't. He can’t stop looking at Cas. Thankfully Hannah and Amara run after Cassie and the five boys are left sitting in a circle.

Benny tries to make a joke about the game being over to smooth out the tension but the awkward laughs are interrupted by Cole’s exclamation that, “you sure you’re not dating? That was the gayest thing i've ever seen.”

Inias announces that second that his mom is arriving so he has to leave early. Great party.

Cas leaves to walk Inias upstairs and out to the car. But the rest of them stay and wait for the girls to get back. Just as Dean’s about to actually move and find the missing guests, the three come back in and Cassie sits down on the couch away from Dean. Dean moves to her and whispers to her if he can do anything and she glares. He kisses her forehead and she pulls back. “What’s that?” 

He looks down at the bee necklace dangling off his neck and shrugs, “it was a gift.”

Cole looks over at what Cassie is questioning and he snorts. “Dude, you and him even have matching necklaces. How gay of you.”

Dean tries to laugh it off but he sees Castiel freeze in the doorway. His eyes look like they’re filling with water and before Dean can say anything Cassie grabs his arm and says “can we go somewhere to talk?”

Dean watches Cas run back up the steps and he swears under his breath.

****

Thanks to Cole, Dean’s mom has to come take a break from her own party to play referee for Dean’s. Although she doesn’t get much out of her interrogation, she does say that the kids all need to come join the adults upstairs until parents come to pick them up. 

Cassie asks Dean how he could do _'this'_ to her. Dean doesn’t know what she means but figures it’s about his and Castiel’s kiss. Dean tries to tell her it meant nothing and it was just a game, but when she says, “Dean, it’s either Castiel or me. You choose,” Dean doesn’t let the moment skip a beat before he says ‘Castiel.’ Like that would ever be a hard question to answer.

The rest of the night she and her friends clump together off to the side and whisper amongst themselves. Cole joins the girls when he realizes Benny is not going to contribute to his gossip and gay bashing game.

Benny goes to find Cas and sees him and Dean’s little brother playing together, so he asks to join and the three of them play UNO. Thankfully Dean can see a smile back on Castiel’s face and he feels relief.

Mary doesn’t let Dean get off the hook too fast though. She scolds Dean in the kitchen and asks why Castiel rushed upstairs crying. Dean has never been one to lie to his mom. But he attempts to bury some pieces of this story from her. He tells her that Cole told everyone to play the game, spin the bottle. He tells her Cassie got jealous because Dean kissed someone else. He tells her that Castiel got overwhelmed. Mary gives him a sad look and sighs.

“I know you just want to make your friends happy, but if they are acting like this, you need to tell them to stop or come get me to stop it. I thought you were ready for this, Dean.” She sighs again and kisses Dean’s head, “I’m sorry about Cassie. I know you really liked her.” 

****

When all of their guests have left; the boys and parents included, Dean talks Naomi into letting Castiel sleep over. Naomi was hesitant, what with Cas bursting into tears upstairs a few hours prior, but relents.

Castiel and he go to Dean's bedroom upstairs and Cas takes a pillow and drops it on the floor. Dean’s curious to what Castiel is doing and Cas just looks away and curls up on top of the rug and asks for Dean to throw him a blanket down. 

Dean tries to ask but he’s not sure Cas wants to talk about it. Dean plays with the bee necklace around his neck and settles into the bed. “You sure you don’t want to just come up here? You still fit.” 

Cas doesn’t answer and Dean scoffs, “you just gonna ignore me? Real mature.” 

Castiel keeps to himself and Dean grumbles, “whatever dude. Cole was just being a dick. It’s not like he was saying anything true.” 

Dean is ready to toss something down at his friend who’s ignoring the hell out of him but instead he calms down immediately when she notices a small hiccuping cry in his room. He turns his Yoda table light on and looks at Cas who has his head buried into the pillow. Dean isn’t sure what’s wrong. He’s never seen Cas cry so hard. He lays down next to him on the floor and just holds his friend until he slows.

“Dean… what if he said things that were true?” Cas doesn’t meet Dean’s eyes and he can understand why. “What if I,”

Dean interrupts Cas by pulling his friend in for a hug. “I don’t care who you like. Boys, girls, it doesn’t matter to me.”

Cas chokes on his own voice and whispers, “yeah?”

Dean smiles and scoots under the blanket. “Yeah.”

Castiel lets out a heavy breath and smiles through his tears. “Inias was my boyfriend. We broke up.”

Dean makes a shocked sound. Before stating, “if it helps numb your heartbreak, Cassie also broke up with me.” Cas seems surprised and Dean snorts, “she said I had to choose to be with her or be your friend. No competition.”

Castiel whispers that Dean should’ve chosen her but Dean won’t have it. He pulls on Castiel’s necklace and then points to his own. “Not like she ever gave me a badass necklace.”

Castiel snorts, far out of his sadness, “Dean, it’s just a bumblebee.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to the year of school we all hated... 8th grade!


	4. Everything Has Changed

“Are you fucking ready, Cas! This night is going to be amazing!” Dean says bouncing next to Cas.

Cas laughs at Dean’s giddiness and agrees. “Yes, I think it will be a grand time.”

Mary and John overhear the boys and John yells, “curfew is still 1 AM. And if either of you drink I expect a call right away so I can pick you up.”

Dean moans but Cas answers, “yes sir.”

Cas and Dean get changed at Dean’s house. They both look at each other in surprise by their choice of outfit. Cas has on black jeans, a black t-shirt, and red leather jacket. The jacket was this year's Christmas gift from Dean and Cas would love to never take it off. Dean on the other hand is sticking to his typical jeans and green Henley.

Castiel is still thankful for Dean’s ask one day before his date about what clothes made him look best. Sure, Dean wasn’t dressing for Cas, but Cas got to tell his best friend some of the clothes that make him in the image of every wet dream Cas has ever had.

Cas definitely wouldn’t tell Dean no if he ever made an advance on him. But Cas also knows Hell would have to freeze over before Dean would try. So instead Cas can joke about Dean’s balance of attractiveness and heterosexuality and Dean can joke about how Castiel’s sense of style helped him land countless girlfriends.

Castiel goes along with the joke but it’s definitely not his stylist assistance that makes the girls (and boys) swoon over him. Deans just the perfect balance of kind, funny, smart, nerdy, creative, sporty and hot. So hot.

John gives Dean the impalas keys with a stern look, “be safe.” Dean tries to assure his dad and Mary interrupts, “don’t worry John, he knows he will never see sunshine again if he ruins that car.” Dean looks taken back and his mom gives him an even more serious look.

“Okay, okay, I get it. I’m not going to wreck the car. Car wreck = Cas and I being killed.”

Mary laughs, “oh honey, we would never kill Cas.” She looks at him with a far different look. Cas stands off to the side and blows her a kiss when John looks away and she chuckles. Dean is scoffing but Cas just pulls him along, “I’ll make sure he takes care of the car.”

****

On the way over to the party Cas says very matter of fact, “I’m going to drink. I’ll be fine, but I want to drink. Can you make sure not to- so you can still drive?”

Dean groans but accepts Castiel’s ask and follows up with, “you trying to meet someone?”

Castiel hums and blushes a bit which makes Dean only push further. “Who? Oh my god, since when? I swear you never tell me things!”

Castiel giggles, “well it’s not like there’s too many boys to choose from. But um… yeah. This one guy and I have been messing around lately.”

Dean gaps, “whoa! What do you mean by that, hot shot?” 

Cas laughs at Dean’s intrigue, “don’t think you’d want the details.”

Dean slaps Castiel’s shoulder as he’s driving, “Dude I’ve told you plenty. I told you about getting my first blow job! And hand job. All the jobs! And you can’t tell me? Seems a bit unfair.”

Castiel snorts, “I don’t ask for you to share. You just man-whore yourself so much it’s not hard to miss these stories.” He knows Dean doesn’t actually think Cas thinks that so he smiles when Dean cracks up. “But fine. I’ve known him for a long time and he’s been figuring out who he is and I blew him at the bowling alley. And then we fucked in his truck. Happy?”

Dean gasps, “Dude, you’re not a virgin anymore?”

Castiel goes into a lecture about how 'sex is not just penetration. Hand jobs, fellatio, fingering and cunniligus all count.'

Dean groans at the speech that Cas repeats far too often, “I know, I know. But like, you fully went all the way?” Cas lets Dean have the moment and says yes.

****

The plan was pretty simple. Cas and Dean would talk to some people and Cas would have some drinks. Dean was hoping to chat with his on and off again ex girlfriend, Anna. Hoping to get a New Years kiss from it. Castiel told Dean he was making a mistake with that one, but when Dean brought up who Castiel’s mystery date was, Cas dropped the subject and changed the topic back to how Dean plans to get Anna back. Again.

Cas and Dean hang out for the first couple hours and then by eleven they part ways so Dean can go find Anna to woo, and Cas can go find his mystery man.

Cas is definitely drunk. For a while he was tipsy but the alcohol is seeping into his body and making him giddy. He watches his hookup throw back a shot at the pong table and the two meet eyes and he goes to excuse himself from the game. Everyone boos but the guy just brushes them off and Cas starts walking to the stairs in hopes that he won’t be far behind. 

Cas opens the upstairs bathroom door and slinks inside, leaving it cracked for his date. Thankfully he didn’t take long to follow Cas and he brushes through the opening of the door and grips Castiel’s waist.

“God, you look so hot, Cas.” He says with no lack of confidence.

Cas pulls him closer and kisses his neck and gasps as he feels him unzipping his pants. “Eager?” The other boy hums and continues getting his and Castiel’s pants loosened so they can get to the good stuff. “You look pretty good yourself.”

He smirks and rubs his crotch against Castiel’s and he can’t hold back a moan. He lets it fall off his lips and he grips the guys lower back to have more.

****

Dean sees Anna making out with his childhood date, Lisa. He watches as a group of guys stand around the girls cheering. It definitely used to make Dean feel aroused but now he just feels bad looking at stuff like this. Because it’s not real and it’s definitely a show.

Dean has grown close to this girl Charlie. He knew her vaguely throughout elementary and middle school but didn’t start to really talk to her until this last school year.

After talking to Charlie for a month about their favorite television shows, movies, and hobbies- he really thought Charlie could be the one. It was embarrassing as hell. When he tried to ask her on a date, she held back a laugh and then explained how she was a lesbian. She saw the way Dean lit up at that and she swatted his arm and lectured him about what lesbians actually were and told him to take away his thoughts of pornhub girls and replace it with actual females who wanted nothing to do with a man. And then shared some emotional stories recanting times straight girls got cheered on for this, while she’d be harassed at the mall for holding her girlfriends hands.

Having that talk definitely gave him a new perspective and he can’t see girls making out as something erotic. Because Charlie’s right. And then he wondered if Cas ever felt like that with girls staring at him and his different dates.

A guy in Dean’s bio class, Victor, shouts Dean over to watch but he pretends to miss it and quickly walks out to find some other friends. So much for getting back with Anna.

He finds Jo and Charlie; who are recently together, dancing in the crowded dining room and Dean feels bad for interrupting a moment like that so he tries to find someone else.

He finds Ash playing pong and plays a few rounds; only taking a single sip though; because he promised Cas to be the sober one, before he asks Ash where his second-place best friend went. Dean hasn’t seen the guy outside of school for a few weekends and it’s honestly bumming him out.

Ash shrugs and says that he thinks he went upstairs.

Dean’s confused by that since people weren’t supposed to go upstairs. But it’s a house party so rules be damned he guesses. Maybe he found a cute girl.

As much as Dean doesn’t want to ruin the guy's chances with whatever girl he found here, he decides he 100% needs to find him so he can rip him a new one for ignoring him as of late.

Dean notices all of the rooms upstairs are dark except for the bathroom which he can see the sliver of light under. He knocks on the door and hears his friend grunt “go away,” and he knocks again. “Seriously, fuck off.”

Dean laughs to himself and sits outside the door for another few minutes before he knocks again. This time a different voice answers and Dean feels his stomach drop inside his body. “Shit. Benny, we should just stop.”

Benny argues against Castiel’s suggestion and clearly keeps going because he hears, loud and clear, Castiel moan and shout 'oh fuck' into the bathrooms space. Dean should leave. Should book it out of here. But his body feels like stone and he feels sick. Why wouldn’t Cas tell him Benny was the guy he was hooking up with? And why wouldn’t Benny tell Dean he was interested in guys? Really, both of his closest friends?

He has thoughts swimming in his head but snaps back out of it when he hears Cas all but scream through his orgasm.

“Shit you’re like a fucking porn star,” Benny exclaims and Dean hears Castiel’s soft winded laugh.

“I guess I’ll act like one if I’m being fucked like one.” He laughs and swats what Dean can only imagine is Benny’s own flesh. What part? He doesn’t want to know. “Come on, I promised Dean I’d be back downstairs by midnight so we can celebrate.”

They open the door and Cas startles in the doorway at the figure sitting on the side. Benny notices and the two of them both ask, “Dean?” at the same time.

Dean meets Castiel eyes for a second and then looks away. It honestly feels like such a stab in the gut to see Castiel’s blissed out face and staticky hair. He’s not sure why it’s bothering him so much. If Benny was in the bathroom with a girl, or hell, even another guy- he’d be ecstatic for him. But because it’s Cas he feels… anger? Sadness? “You guys planning on telling me, ever?”

Benny speaks out first because Cas looks like he’s going to pass out. “It was my fault. I just didn’t want anyone to know yet.” He pulls away from Cas. “It’s not a big deal or anything, Dean. But I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.”

Dean rolls his eyes, “not a big deal? Cas was a virgin.”

Cas interrupts, “Dean, I’ve been with guys before. Just because Benny and I… y’know… it doesn’t…”

Dean’s anger makes Cas draw back and he bites his lip. Dean’s glaring at Benny and Benny is taking none of his shit. “He wasn’t a virgin. Maybe to that specifically- but he wasn’t. You just don’t usually have to hear it.”

Dean looks ready to snap but Benny ignores Dean’s temper tantrum and kisses Castiel’s cheek. “If you wanna get together later, let me know. Have a good night, Cas.”

Benny walks by Dean and turns around like he’s going to say something and Cas raises his eyebrow and scolds, “don’t.” Benny nods his understanding and leaves the two in the hallway.

Dean looks back up at Cas and feels his eyes filling with tears. He’s not sure why the hell he feels like his world is tipping but it sucks. The feeling is worse than any stomach ache. And he’s not quite sure why he’s so upset by this- but he is. Cas hardly talks about the boys he hooks up with and when he does- Dean just feels proud for him. But hearing Cas moan in ways that Dean would never know of hurts. Cas is his best friend. If anyone deserves to hear that, it’s him.

Wait. What? What the fuck kind of thought is that?

“Dean you... I didn’t want you to find out like that. This is so embarrassing.” He gulps, “Benny and I aren’t serious or anything. We’re just sleeping together and it’s not a big deal. He actually likes someone else and I… well… it doesn’t matter. We’re all friends and it shouldn’t matter.”

Dean scoffs, “well it matters. At least it matters to one of us.” He wants to storm off but he can’t stand seeing Cas look so worn out. “If you don’t like each other, why would you do that?” 

Cas looks taken back and squints, “are you really asking me why I’d have sex with someone I didn’t like? Really? You- of all people.” Castiel’s expressions turn from embarrassed and unsure to a look of fury Dean hardly ever sees. “You fuck some new girl every other week, Dean! But God forbid I sleep with someone who I actually like being around. It’s not like I’m swimming in options of guys willing to fuck another guy! Benny’s an easy choice because he’s already my friend and we both aren’t interested like that. I can screw and be screwed by whoever I choose! You don’t have a say over that!” He throws his hands up when Dean tries to interrupt. “Just stop. I do everything for you, Dean! I always come when you call. You’re always the first person I’d run to. But I can’t fucking run to you for this! I would have- if I ever thought I could, but we both know that’s never going to happen!”

Dean feels like his heart is snapping and he grabs Castiel’s hands as he tries to run back into the bathroom and hide. “I’m sorry. Cas, wait.”

Cas stares at Dean on the verge of tears and Dean sighs. “I’m sorry. I don’t know why I’m upset. Just… hearing you and seeing… I don’t know what to say. You’re right. You can do whatever you want.”

Cas let’s Dean wipe his sleeve over his face and let’s his body be pulled into a hug. “Can we leave? I’m such a dick and I don’t want to see Benny right now. I’ll talk to him later but I can’t right now. I’m so sorry. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

Cas looks confused but nods along. “Dean, just breathe. You’re okay.” He sighs, “let’s go home. You have to sneak me upstairs though because I do not want your mom to see me this tipsy.” 

****

The car ride back to Dean’s house was pretty silent. Besides the joke Cas made to Dean about “clearly not winning back Anna” the two ride in silence.

They see the car clock change from 11:58 to 11:59 and Dean pulls over. “I’ll keep driving in a minute but we can just count it down.”

Cas smiles and holds Dean’s hand. “30… 29…28...”

Dean whispers along with Cas, “3… 2… 1…”

Before Dean knows what he’s doing, he reaches for Castiel and kisses his mouth.

It’s not a long lasting kiss but he can feel the passion behind it. Cas looks at Dean and smiles and the two don’t talk about it on their way back home.

And as they climb into bed that night, they don’t bring it up. Dean just scoots closer to Cas than normal and whispers, “goodnight, Cas.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to high school, here's to senior year (12th grade)


	5. It's Nice To Have A Friend

It’s been less than a year since the New Years party but the memory has long been repressed by both boys. Dean and he talked about what it meant for them and Dean’s answers weren’t reassuring. He had explained how he didn’t know if he even liked guys and that Cas didn’t need to wait around for him to figure his shit out. Cas shared his worries of dating Dean and then losing their decade and more of friendship. So it seemed smart. Seemed mature of them to pull back and go back to being friends.

Cas kept seeing Benny until the end of the school year. He just made sure to be places that Dean would never see them. And it was fine. Dean and Benny started talking again. And Dean didn’t threaten Benny too much when he broke things off with Cas for another guy.

Life went on as normal. Cas and Dean bouncing back and forth between each other’s houses. Their parents took them; and Sam to college tours and they helped each other fill out forms and write their admission papers. Dean and Cas both got into the same three schools so they decided from there what they wanted to do. Castiel got accepted into a more prestigious private school out of state that Dean kept trying to talk him into going to.

The two argued at Castiel’s home for hours and Naomi called Dean’s parents to alert them of their boy's fight. After both boys parents talked them down, and tried to make their own child see the other side of it, the boys made up and Cas gave Dean his final answer of where he wanted to go. With Dean.

Their high school years were over and Dean spent the summer working at his Grandpa Campbell’s hunting and outdoor gear store and Cas spent his working at a movie theatre. And he totally didn’t let Dean in for free every time. No way.

****

The two had their bags and boxes packed up and each family made the three hour drive to bring the boys to the dorms. Dean wanted badly for him and Cas to be roommates but Cas argued that with, “we’re going to be in the same building, Dean. I don’t want our friendship to end just because you or I leave a sock out.” Which Dean could understand. Even though he believes they’re better than petty fights over clutter.

So instead Dean gets to his room and meets his roommate, a shy guy, Aaron. And Cas meets his assigned roommate. He happens to be roomed with an arrogant British guy named Fergus. Who wants to go by ‘Crowley,’ like it’s so much better than Fergus.

They both have lunch together with their family members and then say bye to their parents. Mary and Naomi are both crying messes and talking about how “our boys don’t need us anymore,” which makes Dean snort because he’s going to need his mom for so much more now. They both hug their moms again and then let their parents and Sammy leave with a few words of departure.

****

Castiel wakes up to his boyfriend clinging to his chest and letting snores out. Cas tries to stretch as quietly and slowly as possible so he doesn’t wake him up. He looks over to Crowley's bed and sees that the Brit is already up and out. The guy sleeps like a rock and then gets up early every morning, it’s strange, really.

He hears someone at the door, knocking and banging his hands up and down the door. He hears Alfie mumble in his sleep and he whispers, “I’ll be back,” to him. He opens the door, standing in his underwear to Dean holding a miniature bumble bee cake with the words “happy bee-day.” Cas pulls Dean into his room and hugs him, after putting the cake down on his desk.

“You’re an idiot. I love it.” 

“Sleeping beauty still out? It’s nine.”

Castiel laughs and watches as Alfie pulls himself out of bed. “Hey baby,” he comes over and kisses Castiel before looking at Dean and fist bumping him. “Hey Dean. What brings you here so early?”

Dean looks between the two, “it’s September 18th…”

He looks at the cake and his eyes widen, “shit. Happy birthday, Cas!” Cas throws his arms around Alfie's shoulders and pulls his body to his chest. Alfie turns his face to wink at Cas, “you’ll get your birthday present later.”

Cas is hugging behind Alfies body and Dean covers his eyes, “if you guys want some privacy all you gotta do is ask.” Dean gives Cas one more hug and then books it out of the room yelling dramatically, “my eyes!”

****

Charlie helps Dean throw a birthday party for their friend. Dean wanted to go mini golfing or travel to the beach but Charlie went over his plans and made fake ID’s with the help of her tech friend, Dorothy, so they could go to a gay strip club. When Dean tried to argue against the idea she just tsked and said, “Dude, Cas would love a stripper. Why are you trying to keep him from the strippers?” She winks and says, “there’s guys and girlssss!”

Dean rolls his eyes but relents.

So here they find themselves. Castiel getting a lap dance from a toned male stripper and giggling like he’s a child on Christmas morning. Alfie looks at the scene with a face Dean can’t read. Can’t tell if the guy is pissed, into it, or just confused why Cas is here in the place.

Dean doesn’t want to be a creeper and stare the whole time as he gets a lap dance so he wanders off and sits at the bar. He asks for a few shots and slams each back. He feels sufficiently on his way to a good level of drunk and a guy sits down next to him, giving him a drink with a cute umbrella sticking out of it.

“Aaron?” Dean looks up at the guy.

Aaron clearly didn’t know it was Dean because he jumps and pulls back to do a double take of his roommate. “Uhh sorry…” he looks around behind them, “my friends told me to come over here… I didn’t realize…” he goes to stand and Dean insists he stays. “Okay. I just don’t want to creep you out being here.” 

Deans buzz is strong and he laughs back, “well that’d be rude. I am also here.”

Aaron looks amazed like he didn’t even think of that. So he clinks his glass against Dean’s. “To learning new things about each other.” 

Dean doesn’t try to correct Aaron in thinking he came here to meet a guy. Doesn’t say no when Aaron asks to dance. And doesn’t say no when Aaron asks if Dean wants to go to the bathroom.

Apparently it’s hard to have a giant gay panic attack when his alcohol is making everything feel fun and fuzzy. Even as Aaron is on his knees in front of Dean, Dean doesn’t care. It’s just a man. Nothing scary. Dean groans when Aaron takes him into his mouth and he gasps watching down at Aaron who’s feeling himself through his own jeans. 

This would have scared Dean shitless even months ago. But right now it feels like euphoria. He lets the feeling take him over and even when Aaron and he are standing and sated, he feels no panic.

Aaron tells Dean that he and a friend came here and they were calling him in need of a ride back to their house so he leaves Dean but kisses him and whispers, “I’ll see later tonight.”

And then Dean remembers that Aaron is his roommate and he whispers “what the fuck did you do,” to no one in particular.

****

Dean finds Cas and Charlie. Charlie is too busy talking to one of the female bartenders and Cas is sitting on one of the sofas by the bar. “Hi, Dean.” Dean plops down next to Cas on drunk legs and lays his head on Castiel’s shoulder. 

Castiel pokes at Dean and notices his changed expression and tilts his head. “And where did you go off to? Find yourself a gal to dance? Because I hate to break it to you, but there’s a good chance she was just hoping for the cash.” 

Dean blurts, “I got a blowjob.”

Cas let’s out the highest laugh and pushes Dean. “Dean, what the fuck. You know this is a gay club right?” He tries to stop himself from laughing again but can’t hold it back. “Okay, maybe she wasn’t 100% gay, then. Good for you, truly.”

Dean gulps and smiles awkwardly, “uh… who said it had to have been a girl?”

Cas sits up faster than Dean has ever seen Cas move and his friend doesn’t blink. “Are you kidding me? Who! Wait. What the hell, Dean, you’re straight.” He looks flabbergasted and Dean chuckles. “This isn’t funny! Since when did you- you like boys now?”

Dean shrugs, “I guess. I don’t know. He assumed I was here on my own and I didn’t really correct him. And then he blew me and it’s not like I hated it. It was actually pretty fucking awesome.” He hears Cas asking who and if the guy is still here and Dean interrupts, “so... I did kind of fuck up... a bit? Nah, total big fuck fest, actually.”

Cas goads him on to answer and Dean groans, “you remember Aaron?”

Cas gasps, “your fucking roommate?”

****

Because Dean’s too drunk to handle seeing Aaron at the dorms tonight he asks if he can crash on Castiel’s floor. Castiel says he can come over.

What surprises Dean; later than he even realized, was that Alfie wasn’t with Cas at the club and he isn’t back at Castiel’s room waiting either.

"Where’s the boyfriend?”

Cas shrugs, “ex boyfriend. Don’t know, don’t care.”

Dean pries and Cas explains, “Alfie said I cheated on him because I got a lap dance. And I said I didn’t know he considered that cheating and so I said sorry and he made this dramatic scene about me being a slut and wanting to fuck any guy I saw,” Dean is genuinely surprised because the guy is such a nerdy shy dude. Didn’t seem the type. “So I told him he was just mad that I didn’t want to fuck him fifty times today and he stormed off angry. Doubt he thinks we’d be dating still.”

Dean huffs, “damn. And I thought dating a dude would be easier than a girl.”

Cas laughs, “about the same drama as far as I can tell. Except the sex is far better, I can assume. Unless you find a girl into pegging then it might be equal.” 

Dean laughs along with Cas and they talk about Dean’s blowjob experience some more before Cas motions for Dean to join him in bed so they can get actual sleep.

“Happy birthday, Cas.” Dean whispers when their breathing has evened out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Freshman Year of College!


	6. You Are In Love

Dean came out to his family as bisexual a few months after his revelation at the club. Not surprisingly, his parents accepted him. He wasn’t worried about rejection based on his parent’s adoration of Cas (which is arguably higher than their love for their biological sons). Sam made a joke about Dean now striking out twice as much and his parents yelled at Sam over the phone and Sam apologized with a more sincere, “it’s not a big deal Dean. I still love you.”

It’s actually pretty freeing to have this all figured out. Cas had it all figured out even younger than himself. Dean wonders how he would be now if he had, too. Would Dean and Cas actually have dated? Would they have broken up weeks in and never spoken again? Would they still be together now if only he had known himself better? Dean ponders those thoughts but he has to shoo them away before it gets to him.

Aaron and he casually fucked for a lot of their Freshman year. But Dean also casually fucked other guys. And when Aaron thought the two were going steady, Dean thought they both knew it wasn’t a romantic thing. So his roommate situation kind of exploded and much of the second semester he would go to Castiel’s and Crowleys to hang out. Even when Cas was gone, Crowley would let Dean in and the two would get high and fuck around playing video games.

Now, because of the new school year, Dean and Cas had to go through the roommate process all over. Crowley announced he was transferring because he found his biological mother and Castiel had to re-evaluate who he could room with. 

Dean was annoyed by Castiel’s hesitation but finally talked him into rooming with him because, “Cas I practically live with you anyways. I promise not to throw my stuff all over. I don’t need another Aaron in my life though so please…”

And since their decision, rooming has never been a problem.

Except for the one time that the two never speak of. The time when Cas left from classes forty minutes earlier than usual and walked in on Dean fucking himself on a pink glittery dildo. The two compared their schedules and wrote them down on a board after that. And promised the other that if they were ever coming back early that they would call and knock before entering their shared space.

Living with Cas has been a dream compared to Dean’s last semester. Honestly, he’s confused why Cas had such an issue with it in the first place. The two have been having sleepovers every other few days since they were four years old. Cas even lived at the Winchester house for three months once when Naomi had to travel out of the country. Rooming at college has not been awful and Dean has been extra careful so Cas doesn’t have a reason to think otherwise.

****

The annoyance of sharing a room with Castiel doesn’t hit him until Dean finds Cas in bed with some guy. Cas talked a lot about meeting someone and described their relationship as “we just help each other with classes and then occasionally have sex. It’s not a big deal.”

But this particular moment hits Dean like a truck. He feels uneasy meeting this new guy who introduces himself as ‘Cassie’s boyfriend.’ Dean looks at Cas like his best friend would correct the guy- but Cas just smiles along and gives this guy one of the softest expressions Dean could only dream of.

It’s not actually that bad. It’s not like Cas is disrespectful of their shared space and the guy isn’t always sleeping over. But every time Castiel’s phone rings Dean gets sick to his stomach. It’s always Balthazar this and that. Dean’s over it.

In the turmoil of all of this, Dean reached out to Charlie and ranted about the ‘skanky v-neck guy.’ He asks Charlie how he’d go about telling Cas that the guy wasn’t right for him and Charlie just gave him a Cheshire grin and laughed in his face. Charlie asked why Dean was so jealous of the guy and Dean was taken back. Jealous? Dean hasn’t ever been jealous.

Well… maybe a few times. Maybe when Dean saw Benny and Cas together in high school he was jealous. Ok, extremely jealous. And maybe when Alfie and Cas would make out in the room he was in he’d white knuckle the desk and wish Alfie would disappear.

Dean blankly states, “I think I like Cas.” He feels shocked by his realization but also feels like he’s finally gotten something off his shoulders that he didn’t know he was even carrying.

Charlie cracks up and says she has to call Jo because she just won her first bet between the two of them. 

Dean’s excited to get back to the dorm because he wants to shout it out to Cas and tell him to say his goodbyes to Balthazar. But when he gets to the room Cas and Balthazar are laying in bed spooning. Dean sees the two and Cas squints his eyes at Dean. “Sorry he fell asleep over here. We were watching a movie.”

Dean nods and laughs. “I’m… I just have to change. I’m gonna go out.”

****

Shit hits the fan when their mothers FaceTime the boys together asking them for any requests for this year's Thanksgiving. Cas anxiously asks, “would I be able to bring someone home with me?”

Dean feels his stomach roll inside him and he tries to act happy for Cas when their moms are yelling their responses of ‘yes’ and ‘of course.’ Mary asks if Dean has anyone special that would like to join and he shrugs, “yeah, actually.” Lie. Total bullshit.

He sees Castiel’s confused side glance and then waits for the call to end before addressing further. He asks Dean who he wanted to bring and before Dean thinks it through he shouts, “gonna invite Aaron.”

Cas looks shocked, and maybe a bit hurt (but maybe that was just Dean’s hope). “Yeah he messaged me a few weeks ago. We got talking.” Which isn’t all fase. Aaron did text Dean and asked him if he wanted to grab drinks. Dean told him sure; as friends, and the two talked. Aaron apologized for how he reacted to Dean and apologized for assuming they were more than anything casual. Dean apologized in return for not making it more clear. They’re on talking terms. Have gotten together a few times since then. But definitely not together.

Castiel looks pissed but responds, “great.” He rolls his eyes and gets up, “I’m not going to be nice to him.”

Dean shrugs, “well maybe I won’t to yours.” 

Castiel frowns, “fine, don’t. Balthazar won’t care anyways.”

“Fine.” 

****

The phone call to Aaron was awkward as hell. Dean called and asked him if he’d like to be his date to his family's Thanksgiving. He explained that Cas was bringing a date home and his parents asked and he felt obligated to ask someone. Even stressed it enough and told Aaron they weren’t dating because of this- but that he wanted the guy there as a friend. Aaron was ecstatic about the whole deal and probably read too much into the situation, again, but Dean tried his best to lay it out plain and simple.

The car ride to the Winchesters was even worse. Cas and Balthazar sat in the back and Cas kept meeting Dean's eyes in the rear view mirror. Dean drove with Aaron up front. Which felt weird because that seat has been reserved for Cas and his brother Sammy for years. Aaron dressed up, nice slacks paired with a button up. While Dean was wearing jeans and an old band t-shirt. Cas wore a long sweater dress. Which is frustrating the hell out of Dean to be honest. Balthazar at least dressed down like Dean had. And although Dean’s in similar clothing, he still feels resent towards Balthazar for not even trying to get put together to meet the family.

None of them could decide on music and Dean had to bring out his oldest rule of “driver picks the music, shotgun shuts his cakehole.” Castiel smirked thinking about all the times Dean let him choose anyways. Dean put on some classic rock and eventually put in one of Castiel’s tapes.

****

As they arrive at the home, he sees Naomi pulling up to the house also. She jumps out of her car to hug Cas and before Cas can introduce Balthazar, Naomi turns away to face Dean and kisses his forehead and gives him a warm hug. “Oh I’ve missed my boys so much.” 

Castiel brings his mom's attention back to Balthazar and she looks far less excited but exchanges pleasantries. She calls Dean back over and gives him a casserole dish. “Would you bring this in, hun?” Dean solutes and winks at her. ‘Anything for you, Naomi.’

Dean almost forgot to introduce Aaron but quickly states, “this is my friend, Aaron.” Aaron looks thrilled to be mentioned and says, “you look lovely, thank you for having me.” Naomi hums her answer and starts walking inside.

Sam gets the same process of introductions of Aaron and Balthazar. He pulls Dean into a hug and whispers next to Dean’s ear, “you both are fucking idiots, still.” Before Dean can ask what he meant his brother leaves to help John grab two twin sized air mattresses from the basement.

John meets the boys in passing but doesn’t do much besides shake the new boys hands and give Dean and Cas hugs before he leaves to turn the television back on.

When Mary sees Cas she almost drops a pan in her rush to place it. She wraps her arms around Cas and kisses his cheek. “Oh I’ve missed you so much!” She then looks at Dean who’s whispering ‘yeah we get who your favorite son is.’ She yanks Dean into her other open arm and squeezes the two together in her grasp. “Hush Dean. Oh I love all of my boys, thank you for coming home.” 

Dean doesn’t feel the need to remain cool in front of Aaron. Not like he’s interested in dating the guy. “We saw you three weeks ago, mom.” She shushes him and releases them.

“Sorry gentlemen.” She reaches over to shake both of the guest’s hands and let’s Dean and Cas introduce them. Balthazar compliments Mary’s home as being ‘comfortable’ and Dean’s ready to fight the guy there and then. But his mom accepts the rude off-hand compliment with her kindness. Cas looks at Balthazar like it’s the first time he’s ever heard such bullshit from the guy.

****

The dinner itself was good. If not a bit awkward. Mary and Naomi led most of the questions. They included the guests to their best efforts as also asking their sons how they were doing. John would interrupt a few of Dean and Castiel’s recants of stories to bring up an old memory of the two and by the end of dinner, Sam all but ran to grab one of their scrapbooks. Although Sam had some appearances, the entire thing is mostly Dean and Cas. Everything from the boys butt naked running around one of their houses, to pictures of Dean and Cas cuddled together in bed, to pictures of their awkward holiday parties and group photos from school. There’s even two pages of Cas and Dean holding hands and dancing around the house. And it’d be cute if they were kids- but the photo dates to their junior year of high school. 

Dean would feel mortified if anyone he loved ever had to sit through his montage of Castiel and him aging together, but he sees Castiel and feels warm. He rubs his eye before anyone sees and excuses himself. It’s one thing to see a cute picture of toddlers having fun on a playdate. It’s innocent and perfect. But it’s another thing when Dean has to see how the photos change and how different Dean starts to look at his friend. How he goes from innocence and friendship to a look of love. And Dean can’t pretend that he’s going to fall in love with anyone else because he’s completely gone on Castiel.

When he exits the bathroom, Aaron stops in front of him. “So… you love him, don’t you?” Dean doesn’t know what to say. Even though he invited Aaron with the warning of them being platonic, he never should have. “I just want to make sure. There’s no chance for us, ever, right?” Dean nods slowly and Aaron frowns. “Can’t say I’m not upset about it. But I know you didn’t really want anything. Guess I just got my hopes up.”

Dean tries to make him feel better but he doesn’t have the words to reassure Aaron. Aaron gives Dean a sad half smile and kisses his cheek. “I called a cab. It’s going to take me to the bus station.” Dean tells him he’ll pay for his travel and Aaron lets him, “for what it’s worth- you’re an amazing guy. And Cas would be the luckiest man on Earth to have you. Take care, Dean.”

****

Dean made the excuse that Aaron had a family emergency so he was leaving. His family gave him suspicious looks but tried to refocus on Cas and his boyfriend. Dean excused himself and has been sulking in his bedroom. Sam comes up to join him and eyes him until Dean starts talking.

“I love him.”

Sam asks, “Aaron?”

Dean can’t even try laughing. If only he could just love Aaron. It'd be simple. “Cas. I love Cas, Sam.”

Sam throws his hands up, “Thank God! About time one of you said it.” Dean would ask Sam what he meant if the signs weren’t so obvious.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sophomore year, Thanksgiving :)


	7. I Think He Knows

Cas broke up with Balthazar by Christmas break. Balthazar was insisting that Cas skip his family trip and join him in Europe. Apparently Balthazar and his parents like to choose a vacation spot each year and when Balthazar bitches about their choice location in comparison to his- they end up giving him an entire trip for him and a friend.

When Cas explained how important it was that he see his family for the holiday, Balthazar complained that, “Cassie, it’s only your mom. The Winchesters aren’t even your family.”

And Cas had it. He started yelling at Balthazar to get out. Balthazar was pissed at Castiel’s break up and began throwing things off Castiel’s desk and shelves until the room was trashed. His voice ricocheted from the walls and it didn’t stop until an RA booked it down the hall to help de-escalate the situation.

So when Cas announced to his family that he would not have a plus one- no one tried to push for an answer. Dean, obviously, heard all about it and threatened to go beat up the guy if he came near Cas again.

Christmas break was perfect. Cas couldn’t ask for a better break from school. But he swears Dean was acting differently. He’d catch him staring at him more. Which is a lot to say since Cas knows the two of them spend far too much time staring already.

When Cas tried to ask Sam about it, Sam just gave him cryptic answers like, “don’t ask stupid questions,” or “you would know if you just let yourself see it.”

Even now, Cas doesn’t get it. And it’s been almost exactly a month since Christmas.

Despite his confusion, he wakes up excited because it’s Dean's birthday. He’s excited to get a chance to do more for his best friend. He’s already planned the entire day. Dean will have class until eleven and Cas is going to surprise him with an early lunch in their dorm. Followed by mini golf with Jo and Charlie, and then he and Dean will watch the Batman movies with the new projector Cas bought for their movie screening nights.

After he finishes decorating their dorm room with streamers and laying out a blanket and pillow for Dean’s surprise dorm-picnic-lunch, he climbs in the shower. He should have another hour and a half to get the food ordered and delivered and to get dressed. But god does the water pressure feel nice against his body.

As much as he tries to think about anything but Dean’s new smiles and strange behavior- he can’t. It’s not like Dean is hiding a dumb secret. Cas would have already figured it out. He tries to think of the last time Dean acted normal around him and he remembers the Thanksgiving disaster. Aaron left and then Dean and Sam hid upstairs. Dean never did tell him why Aaron left. Why he really left.

He thinks about the moments leading to it all. They were looking at a photo album. Cas blushes thinking about the photos. They were incredibly embarrassing to look at with Balthazar nearby. Because how happy Cas was with Balthazar was nothing in comparison to how he glowed in every picture with Dean. Maybe Dean saw Castiel’s desperation in every photo? It’s not like Cas tried that hard to hide his crush on Dean. He was very open about liking Dean.

Cas tries to remember his own reaction to seeing those photos. He doesn’t know how he looked in the moment, but he does remember thinking about how he wished Dean and he had better timing. How he wished throughout everything they went through, that they had a chance. Because Dean would always be Castiel’s first kiss and crush and love. 

When he thinks that thought it’s like his brain malfunctions. He was in love with Dean. No, he’s in love with Dean.

Maybe Dean saw his real emotions that crept through Castiel’s expression. Now Dean’s acting weird because he knows how Cas feels. Is he trying to let him down softly? Cas finishes rinsing his hair and body and then gets out of the shower. 

He needs to tell Dean. Get it out there so the two can go back to normal and Cas can get this off his chest and have a friend again.

****

The picnic was a surprise for Dean and he hugged Cas for a short second before putting space between them.

Besides the small changes, no one looking at the two would ever know something was wrong. Conversations flowed and they had no awkwardness in how they spoke about one another. It was just the small things like Dean scooting away from him or how he’d pull away when their fingers brushed while passing each other different food. It was in the way that Dean wouldn’t meet Castiel’s eyes for long.

Cas feels scared. He doesn’t want Dean to leave him. If he’s already freaked out by an idea of Castiel’s love- what would he do when he actually knows. 

Before Cas can let his thoughts spiral out of control, he surprises Dean by their next plan of the day. They meet the girls at a tea shop and then walk from there to mini golf. Thankfully having Jo and Charlie with them, the awkward tension fizzles out. Dean jokes with Cas and he let’s Cas place his hands in position on the putter when Dean groans about his shot not being good enough because “my hand slipped.”

As fun as put-put went, the girls have to leave so they can attend their own class. Dean goes back to a class, too. Which leaves Cas to his own fears.

****

When Dean gets back from his last class, Cas is asleep on his bed with a book covering half of his face. He startles up when Dean comes over to move the book off his lips. “Dean?”

Dean sits on the side of Castiel’s bed and sighs. “I think… Cas, we should talk about something.”

Cas gulps. Well here it is. The moment Dean has to break Castiel’s heart. He knows it’s coming by the way Dean blinks back tears and shakes his knees. How his hands twitch in his lap as he pulls the strings of his bracelet.

Cas whispers, “we don’t have to…”

Dean almost looks hurt. So Cas shuts his mouth and sits up in bed. Dean's back is turned to him but Cas can see the side of Dean’s face as his voice shakes, “I didn’t really know how I felt about it at first. I thought trying to give you space and distance myself would help. But I can’t… that’s not us, Cas.” 

Cas sighs, “it’s not.” Here it comes, he thinks to himself.

Dean closes his eyes to talk. “Sammy told me I was an idiot for trying to hide it. He’s right. It’s stupid of me to ignore it and not tell you. So I have to just say it so it’s out there and then you don’t have to feel bad about it, promise?”

“I promise.” Cas answers, yet feels terrified. He needs to see Dean say it. He needs to see Dean look him in the eye and say that he’s not interested. That Castiel being in love with him is pushing him away. He needs to see this so Cas can stop hoping in the back of his mind that anything could ever come of the two. “Can you please just look at me?”

Dean climbs onto the bed and sits in front of Cas and lets a tear fall off his eyelashes. “Okay.” He does his best to hold eye contact with Cas. “I love you.”

Cas pulls back. Wait, what?

Dean frowns at Castiel’s reaction and keeps going; maybe in hope that the more he talks, the more he puts off Castiel’s repulsed response.

“I didn’t understand that I even did. But I didn’t like seeing you with your boyfriends. It made me sick. I didn’t think that I was jealous. I thought I just didn’t think anyone was good enough for you. But it was more than that. I wanted to be where they were because… you’re the most special person I’ve ever known. When we were looking through the albums it just… something clicked. How I would look at you, I wouldn’t ever look at another person like that. Seeing us as toddlers and stuff was cute but the older we got… I know I loved you then. And I’m over trying to push that away because I still love you. It’s fucking me up, honestly. And I don’t want to say this and make it weird. Just tell me it’s never going to happen, okay? Because I’ll work on moving on. I really will, this time. But I can’t keep this in because it’s driving me crazy having to pull away from you so much. And I don’t want you to think I hate you or something because you didn’t do anything wrong. I just need some time to get over you and then I’ll be back to the same guy you’ve always known.”

Cas is stunned. He feels like he’s dreaming. No way is Dean telling him this. Castiel punches his own arm hard and Dean stares at him in shock. “Cas, what the hell?” He looks offended, “you don’t gotta hurt yourself here. Jeez. You said you wouldn’t be weird and act all sorry for me.”

Cas laughs. Maybe that wasn’t the right choice but he can’t hold it back. His laugh doesn’t stop for a good minute and Dean looks ready to fucking sob and that’s when it hits Cas. Dean was being honest and he’s not having some weird fever dream. Cas grabs Dean's hands and pulls on him so Dean will glance back up at Cas.

“Dean. Dean, I’ve… I’ve loved you from the start. It was always you.” He sees Dean’s pupils dilate as he looks at Castiel’s lips growing into a smile. “I love you, Dean. God, I love you so much. Always.”

Because it’s clear that it’s Dean’s turn to sit back in shock, Castiel throws his body forward so he’s practically sitting in Dean’s lap as he grabs his jaw with both hands. He kisses desperately until Dean realizes the truth of Castiel’s admission. He grabs Castiel’s hips and pulls Cas fully on top of him as his body falls back onto the bed. Between their shared elation the kiss grows needier. Dean’s letting Cas grind down on top of him as the two groan out their love for each other.

It’s not like Cas and Dean weren’t physical. They loved holding each other in hugs and slept in the same beds for their whole childhood and much of their early adulthood, still. They held hands on occasion and constantly would find a way to stand as close as possible to the other. But nothing has ever been like this. Dean’s never been so purposeful in gripping Castiel’s hips or squeezing his ass. Cas has never been so breathless from grinding his groin against Dean’s and he’s definitely never sucked on Dean’s throat like his life depended on the act itself.

It would be embarrassing how quickly both he and Dean came in their own pants if it were any other guy in the place of one of them. But there was no other guy and for that- it doesn’t make either of them feel bad. Because this is exactly what they’ve waited for. This is everything they wished for, yet repressed just to hold onto comfort and normality.

They continue to lay over one another, jeans and sweats be damned.

Dean and he lazily kiss until the position gets uncomfortable. Even then, they reposition with shared laughter and continue. Even as Dean and he hear Dean’s ringtone going off to alert his calls, they don't move from this moment. The world can wait. They’ve waited too long.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sophomore year, Dean's Birthday!


	8. Dress

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a bit of smut for this one

That night they didn’t want to stop holding each other. Ever. But after Dean’s eighth missed call, the two groaned, pulling away. Mary and Naomi both made calls to Dean. When Dean called Mary back, the two were together over his FaceTime call and they sang happy birthday to him. Dean felt bad for ignoring so many of their calls but not for long. Naomi gave Dean a curious look and then Mary caught on quickly. “Where’s Cas?”

Cas piped up from the spot next to Dean and he joined Dean over his FaceTime. Maybe it was Castiel’s wild hair or how Dean’s lips looked swollen- but Mary and Naomi both smirked to each other before asking, “any news?”

Dean wanted to ask Cas what they were now. But after looking at Cas next to him, he knew he didn’t need to ask. They loved each other. For years. He smiled at his mom and the woman who took on a motherly presence to his entire life, “we’re together. Best birthday ever.”

Mary and Naomi scream their joys and it’s not long before Dean sees Castiel’s phone pinging on the table near him that John and Sam are sending congratulation texts. Mary puts the other men on and they both wish Dean a happy birthday, after sharing their happiness for the two boys.

And because their moms always know everything about their moods from their faces- they shoo the men away and wish the two a good birthday night. Mary gives Dean a quick wink that makes Dean groan and hang up before Naomi has a chance to be any more humiliating.

****

The rest of their sophomore year passed quickly. Dean and Cas barely leave each other’s sides. Not like it was much different than before they got together, but Jo did mention on a constant occasion that “you two make me want to vomit from how cute you are.” While Charlie would just happily watch and tell them how happy she was to finally see them together.

She even shared the story from elementary school about how Jo and she made a bet that the two of them would fall in love. At the time, Jo said no, because she had weird expectations that Dean would marry her one day. And she laughs at how moronic that is, now that she knows what a “meathead” Dean is and how much she would prefer a sweet dorky redheaded girl over any boy.

Leaving their sophomore year, Cas and Dean move back home for the summer and both get jobs. Cas works at an animal shelter, while Dean gets hired as a Day-Camp Director for the kindergarten and first grade groups. The two spend a lot of their time working and then trading off between staying at each other’s parents houses to spend the night. By the near end of summer, they feel like they have enough money saved up; alongside with their school loans and scholarships, to begin renting an apartment on campus.

The building is practically designated for all students with it being so close to their campus, but there’s far more freedom compared to the dorms. With the added help of funds from Castiel beginning to work with their campus food services and Dean working the check in desks at the library, they are plenty excited for the opportunity.

****

Their families help them move into the new apartment, like their tradition each school year so far. And they give them their goodbyes after a pizza party in the half set up apartment. Although their moms offered to stay later, John told them to let the boys breathe and figure it out on their own. Dean’s sure it’s just because John knows Mary doesn’t want to be stuck with cleaning tasks, and he knows that Naomi will start cleaning and then never want to leave because she’ll always find something new to work on.

When their families are gone and the two give an acceptable time between for the chances a family member comes back for a forgotten item- they’re on each other. Their curtains aren’t set up, and there’s stacks of boxes surrounding them but they don’t care. Cas picks Dean up and presses his back against the wall as he kisses him over and over until Dean’s begging him to stop teasing him.

Cas sinks to his knees in front of Dean, and kisses his way up his legs and then jerks Dean’s joggers down to the ground. He gives feather light touches on Dean’s skin and brings Dean to the edge before even palming at Dean’s cock.

Dean makes a joke; even as he’s a trembling mess, asking if Cas forgot what to do with his dick and Cas takes no time in proving Dean wrong. So wrong. Cas sucks Dean’s cock so confidently. Doesn’t show any sign of second guess as he deep throats around Dean’s length and uses his other hand to reach around to Dean’s ass, which he fingers open as continuing to bring Dean to the edge with his mouth.

When Dean starts begging in higher pitches, Cas pulls off and jerks Dean’s cock so it splashes come over his chin. Dean is still finding his breath as Cas stands and spins Dean around, pining his stomach to the wall as he’s grabbing his own pants and yanking them down enough to free his own throbbing erection.

Between the saliva and precome, Cas is able to fuck into Dean slowly. Dean, ever the brat, tells Cas he’s not so sure he’ll be able to come again. Which only drives Cas to fuck harder. He pounds Dean against the wall and brackets his body and takes his time running his hands up and down Dean’s sides and reaching between the wall and Dean's front to grip Dean’s dick to jerk as his come pumps into his boyfriend.

And to Castiel’s joy- his boyfriend comes again. Just as eager as the first time.

****

Because they moved in earlier than when the school year starts, the two thankfully don’t have to start work and are still on a summer break for another week. It allows them to finish; almost, getting all of the boxes out of the way and having everything set up how they chose together. And it gave them time to decide what they still needed. 

Charlie is back on campus and complains about Jo not coming back as soon, so she begs Dean into going on a coffee date with her.

Cas pouted about missing Charlie, too, so she plans a coffee run the following day with just Cas. Says she loves the two of them but also doesn’t want to be the neglected third wheel as they run off to make out. Which Dean and Cas would argue against, if he and Cas hadn't done that to her before. So they accept her wish and each have a great time. Despite her request she jokes saying she didn’t think they’d actually go along with it. And then goes to promise the next time they should all be together- third wheeling or not.

After Cas is back from the coffee-turned-dinner with Charlie, he comes back to the apartment and notices his package on the table. Dean walks out from their bedroom and glances, “what’d ya order?”

Cas shrugs, “can’t say.”

Dean laughs like he’s missing Castiel’s joke and asks again, “Dude, what?” 

Castiel raises his eyebrow, “Dude.” He goes back to grinning, “It’s nothing. You’ll have to wait and see I guess.” Dean looks offended but intrigued by the box. “I’m not telling you. Come on, let's go fool around.” And who is Dean to argue that?

****

They have two days left before school starts so Dean reserves a table at one of the fancier French restaurants near campus. He and Cas get ready separately. Cas tells Dean he’s not allowed to look as he’s getting ready because he wants to surprise him. Dean is not going to argue, but he does try to explain that it’s not like Dean hasn’t seen Cas wear cute clothes before. 

Dean wears a button up and black slacks. He’s not as fashionable as Cas but he thinks he pulls off the look well despite that. He knows Cas likes everything Dean wears. He can see how Cas looks at him when he’s lounging around wearing an old band shirt and it’s the exact same as when Dean’s more dressed up. 

When Cas comes out, Dean does have to do a double take. Because Cas definitely got a new outfit. He’s wearing a black jumpsuit. The pants hug his ass beautifully and Dean could drool staring. The top half is a sheer long sleeve with a sharp v neck and puffier shoulders. He looks like a walking wet dream. It doesn’t help that Cas left his hair shaggy. And hold on? Eyeliner? Deans not going to get through this dinner. 

He tries to convince Cas to cancel but he stops himself. He wants to admire Cas for longer and if they stay here, Dean’s only going to tear it off Castiel's body sooner.

****

They make it to their reservation on time. After Dean scolded Cas to keep his hands to himself when they were in the car, because clearly Cas wanted Dean to ruin their plans with how grabby he was. Which would usually be a dream- but honestly, Dean wants Cas to have something this nice. Their dates; while always extremely fun, have never been so fancy and dammit the guy deserves this. 

So they can get through a dinner date before they fuck each others brains out. Right?

The two order balsamic goat cheese grilled plums and a Tarte Flambée for the appetizers. Dean watched Castiel’s face looking over the menu and he actually seemed intrigued by most. Dean was only slightly appalled… or maybe largely appalled. Where’s the damn buffalo wings and nacho plate?

Despite his hesitation to try either- he gives in when Cas bats his eyes at Dean. And if Dean couldn’t say no before- the eyeliner is adding far more inabilities to refuse anything Cas asks him. Even when they order- Dean tries his best to not look off put.

Dean asks for Ratatouille. And that might be because it’s the only word on the menu he knows how to say. But if it’s good enough for that rat- why wouldn’t it be good enough for him? Cas smirks at him when he asks for a Croque Monsieur. Whatever that is.

When the meals come Dean tries his best to give a smile and nod as the waitress sets down their food. But what the hell is it? This whole time Dean thought Ratatouille was sliced meats and vegetables. Not all vegetables. He can just imagine Sam finding out and smirking it up. Cas laughs, clearly seeing Dean’s train of thought about his meal and he switches their plates. “Kinda thought you’d prefer this?”

Dean looks down at Castiel's order. Thank god. Whatever this meal is- it looks like a ham and cheese sandwich and that is far more in Dean’s comfort of eating.

Dean moans through each cheesy bite and keeps thanking Cas for his sacrifice. Going off Castiel’s smiles- he at least doesn’t feel like a complete dick from keeping Cas from a good meal. Despite how healthy it looks- Castiel looks content and that’s what matters.

Dean’s laughing through his bites of food, recalling to Cas his last call with his parents and he nods along. He spoke about his excitement for his classes, he asked if Sam had told Cas his big news and when Cas shook his head no, Dean went into an elaborate recap of how Sam is trying to win over this girl, Amelia, in his class since Sarah broke up with him.

He’s going on and on. Which halts Dean’s thoughts. Now that Dean thinks of it, he’s done most of the talking tonight. He stops mid sentence and shakes his head, “jeez, I don’t want to be the only one talking up a storm. Stop me at any point, man. I don’t mean to,”

Cas quickly shakes his head in reassurance but Dean can tell something is up. The guy’s face keeps blinking in and out of talking and he’s been shifting all night. “Cas, do you feel alright?” Cas nods and squeaks out an ‘I’m fine,’ but Dean isn’t buying it. “If this place made you sick- I can grab the waiter,”

Dean signals his hand up but Cas grabs it from across the table and pulls it down so they're holding hands across from one another. “Come on, if something is wrong we can-”

Cas whispers, his voice shaking, “Dean I really appreciate it, but I have a fucking plug up my ass right now. I’m fine,” Dean’s face looks across in surprise and slight disbelief. When Dean goes to talk, Cas whispers again, “if you’re about to ask me if I'm sure- I swear…” Cas looks winded all while finishing his Ratatouille and Dean understands. His boyfriend is fucking hot. “It’s a pink silicone plug. Rainbow gem.”

Dean raises his hand again and the waiter comes over, “would you two like to try-”

Dean cuts her off, “thank you. Lovely meal, we’d love the check.” 

The check takes a few minutes to arrive and the entire time the two men are staring at each other not talking. Honestly if anyone else saw them and how they were staring, they could probably infer what was happening. Maybe not that one had a plug shoved up inside themselves and that the other was bouncing his leg just to feel some friction for his hidden erection. But anyone watching would definitely know the two were hot for each other. 

Not bothering to look, Dean signs the receipt and pulls a wad of cash out of his pocket for the tip. He quickly gets up and grabs Castiel’s hand to follow.

****

The car ride back to the apartment was agony. Cas palmed at Dean’s cock the ride back, whispering how badly he wanted Dean to fuck him. How badly Cas wanted to ride him until one or even both of them cried. Dean’s pants are fully tented before they’re even close to home. 

When Dean suggests he pull over so they can fuck in the back seat, Cas looks willing to take up the offer. But he groans, “no, we have to…” he gasps when Dean goes over a bump in the road and the plug slams farther. “fuck! Dean, get us home. Want to show you the surprise.” 

Dean perks up at that but figures it’s the plug. Because that’s one hell of a surprise already. There can’t be more. Right? 

When they pull into the parking structure, Dean slams Baby into her spot and hauls ass out of the car. Remembering; thankfully, to lock her before they slink into the elevator.

When they get up to their floor, they walk past a group of girls who wave blushing at them. But neither pay any of them attention while Cas slams Dean against the front of their door. Dean’s fumbling with the keys and gasping as Cas rocks his body against Dean’s ass. “I’ll tie you up and tease you until you’re screaming if you don’t get this damn door open.” 

Dean should take that as incentive to go faster, but the thoughts make him moan. “Fuck. Anytime, Cas.”

Despite that dream, they have a plan already and Dean’s not wasting time to strip Cas down and see this plug for himself.

Before the door is fully opened, Dean is already undoing his pants and raising his arms up so Cas can get his shirt off of him. He stands there in his underwear as the door slams behind them and Cas at least has the sense to lock the door once they’re in.

Dean helps Cas unzip from his outfit and watches as Cas tries to seductively drop the clothing down lower. It hangs at his high waist, just teasing him. Dean kisses Castiel’s neck and Cas moans pulling in Dean’s short hair. “Go get on the bed. Make sure you have your cock lubed up so you can fuck me when I’m there.”

Dean whines at Castiel’s demanded direction and realizes that Cas is leaving the room. “I’ll be right there, Dean.”

Dean still sprints to their bedroom and he rolls his underwear down and watches his own dick spring free. The tip of his dick is achingly red and he’s leaking precome. He grabs the lube from Castiel’s desk drawer and squirts a generous amount and warms it in his hands before he coats it over himself. The squelch feels so good and he can’t help but jack his hand up and down himself.

Cas knocks on the door that’s half closed and Dean laughs, “get your hot ass in here already.”

Cas slowly walks into the room and it’s a miracle Dean doesn’t shoot his load the second Cas is in the room. The guy is standing, wearing a white lace mens thong with a matching garter belt. Dean feels himself drooling. “Get over here. Now.”

Cas climbs onto the bed and sits over Dean and kisses him eagerly. “Do you like it?”

“Don’t ask stupid questions, Cas.” 

Cas sits down over Dean’s waist and plays with his nipples. Dean rolls his hips upwards trying to meet skin.

Cas climbs off of Dean and climbs onto all fours. “You gonna fuck me?” 

Dean gets up quick and lines himself behind Cas. Palming his ass and tracing over the lace. He can see the plug under his thong and groans as he taps on the gem and listens as Cas moans at the pressure. Dean would love to stare and admire Castiel’s ass all of his life but the guy feels like he’s about to come all over the bed and he’d rather get a bit of touch before that.

He pulls the back of the thong to the side, so he can slide the plug out. He kisses Castiel’s ass as he hears him gasp, feeling the silicone thickness taken away. “Dean, please,” 

Dean squirts more lube onto his fingers and fits two fingers inside Cas easily. He rocks his fingers until Cas is fucking back on his hand and he pulls out. “God. You’re fucking sexy.”

Dean rubs his wet cock and pushes into Cas slowly. The thong string pulled to the side.

Cas starts to fuck back against Dean automatically. And Dean wants to give his boyfriend everything he wants. He fucks back twice as hard and Castiel’s body crumbles underneath. His elbows dropping fast so he’s no longer on all fours, but he ass is in the air for Dean to fuck.

Dean works up a quick rhythm, meeting Castiel’s desperate attempts to get Dean deeper. Dean holds under Castiel’s waist, making sure there’s no space possible between the two bodies. He slams into Castiel until he goes incoherent and the only words leaving Castiel’s mouth sound like a foreign language.

As much as Dean never wants this feeling to end, he knows his body can't handle much more. At least for now. So he takes Castiel in his hand, jerking his hand over Castiel’s cock as he pounds behind him. “Cas, Cas. Cas, I love you, fuck. I love you so much,”

Dean doesn’t cry during sex. Never has before. But his eyes are filled with tears and he can feel them rolling off his face and dripping down Castiel’s back. Castiel must feel it too because he responds in broken moans, “Dean, always love you, love you always.” 

Dean orgasms and feels his own come filling up inside his boyfriend. He listens for Castiel’s scream as his hand and the sheets underneath them are coated with Castiel’s spunk. 

Dean takes a few moments before he allows himself to pull out. His body can’t hold itself up any longer and he rolls onto his side next to Cas, who lays ass up, head buried in the pillow. 

“That was the best sex of my life.” Cas mumbles. Trying to roll onto his side next to Dean.

“We could do even better.” 

Cas laughs and playfully shoves Dean. “You cried. Don’t think I didn’t notice.”

Dean shushes, “that wasn’t crying,”

Cas giggles and holds Dean’s hand. “It counts.” He kisses their joint hands, “if it makes you feel better, I kinda did too.”

Dean looks at Cas like he’s joking, but then laughs looking at the pillow peeking out from beneath them. Mascara and eyeliner smudges are painted on the pillow with damp wet spots. 

“So fucking hot.” Dean exclaims.

Cas kisses Dean and gets out of bed. “Come rinse off with me, then we can go to bed.”

Dean looks pained by the idea of moving before Cas states, “maybe I’ll let you ride me tomorrow morning.” Although it intrigues Dean he still grunts not moving. “Or maybe I’ll try tying you to the headboard and eating you out until you beg.” Dean sits up at that and Cas smirks, “but only good boys deserve that. So I guess I’ll go shower on my lonesome…” 

Dean makes it to the shower before Cas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> junior year college.

**Author's Note:**

> Once again, someone was listening to too much Taylor Swift and my brain sparked this idea. Every chapter is loosely based on a specific Taylor song I was listening to while writing! I had so much fun planning the chapters and figuring out the best song that went with the idea/moods. 
> 
> This entire thing is pretty fluffy. I mean... childhood friendship deancas growing up together? What could be better?  
> I have majority of this written, too! Will be posting as much as I can at a time when I'm not drowning in my school work (which I totally am not avoiding right now). Also any mistakes made are mine


End file.
